Fear and excitement produce almost identical sensations in your body...the racing heart, the sweaty palms, the trembling hands. Your nervous system can’t tell the difference between the two.
In my 35 years of guiding people, I've seen that we often stay stuck because we think we "have" to change. The truth is, we get to change. We get to move our intentions into reality. We get to decide that the "weather" of our lives doesn't dictate the strength of our home. 🏡
And to show you what that actually looks like in real life, I want to tell you about the man who taught me more about
being a Builder than anyone else ever has.
What a Real Builder Looks Like
I learned what a real Builder looks like from my father, Thermer, who became my dad when I was eight years old. I loved him from the very first day I met him...he was my hero then and he still is today, even though he passed away when I was 41. I miss him terribly, but the foundation he built for me is something I carry every single day.
His journey as a Builder took real shape in the 70s. My biological father made it clear that for the adoption to move forward, the drinking had to stop. So in 1977, when I was seven years old, my dad took himself on. He didn't wait for the fear of "life as he knew it" to go away. He didn't ease into it or try a little at a time. He made the decision to stop smoking and drinking all at once.
His fortitude was simple. He said, "My feet are firmly planted and the only way to overcome this is to just STOP."
He decided...and he never looked back. I watched his beer cans become soda cans and eventually just water bottles for the last 15 years of his life. I watched his cigarettes become sticks of Juicy Fruit then Spearmint Extra.
He didn't wait for the fear of a sober life to disappear before he moved. He just decided that being our dad was worth the cost of changing his entire world. 💛
That is what a Builder does.
What Is "The Shake"?
When you make a move like my dad did...the kind of move where your old comfort zone collides head-on with your new intention...your body reacts. You might feel a racing heart, sweaty palms, or a literal trembling in your hands.
I call this "the shake."
Most people treat the shake as a stop sign. They feel it and immediately interpret it as evidence that something is wrong, that they aren't ready, that they should slow down or retreat back to safety. But I want you to see it differently: The shake isn't a warning, it's raw energy. ⚡
Think of it like Taylor Swift's "
Shake It Off". She isn't saying the problems disappear, she's saying that you physically move through the energy so it doesn't get stuck in your system. The shake needs somewhere to go! If you freeze it, hide it, or fight it, it lodges itself in your body and quietly runs the show. But if you move with it, shake it off, it becomes fuel.
Mel Robbins does something similar with her
5-4-3-2-1 method. It's a way to interrupt the brain's shake of hesitation and launch straight into action before your mind has the chance to talk you out of it.
The Science of the Shake 🧠
Here's the logic behind why "shaking it off" actually works and why it's not just a cute phrase.
Arousal Reappraisal
Science shows us that the physical shake of fear is nearly identical to the physical shake of excitement...the same racing heart, the same heightened alertness, the same surge of energy through your system. In fact, the
Harvard research on reappraising anxiety found that people who reframed their anxiety as excitement, rather than trying to calm themselves down, performed significantly better under pressure.
When you acknowledge the shake and keep moving anyway, you're sending your brain a very specific message: "I'm not in danger, I'm building." That reframe allows your body to process what’s happening in a way you can work with instead of fight or runaway from.
The 5-4-3-2-1 Launch
Using a countdown interrupts what's known as the brain's "habit loop" of fear...the pattern of noticing discomfort, hesitating, and retreating. Counting backward moves you out of the emotional part of your brain and into the logical part. You count 5-4-3-2-1, you shake it off, you plant your feet, and act.
The "Get" Shift
There is real power in moving from "I have to" to "I get to." It moves your body out of a stress state and into a possibility state. "I have to change" feels like a burden. "I get to change" feels like an invitation.
Changing Your World to Light the Way for Someone Else's 🙏
My dad didn't wait to be fearless to save my brother and me. He felt the shake of changing his entire life and he did it anyway. For me, that is the light of the Spirit and Jesus in action...the powerful exchange of love that says, "I will change my entire world to light the way for yours."
That is the skillset of a Builder: clear, uncluttered intention.
And I want to say this to you, regardless of your faith background or spiritual path...this soul-to-soul exchange isn't limited to any one tradition. Whatever your source of strength and love, whether it's God, whether it's your community, whether it's the quiet love you have for the people counting on you...the invitation is the same. You get to change your world so you can light the way for someone else's. That decision, made in the middle of the shake and not after it disappears, is one of the most sacred things a person can do.
Look At Your Foundation
I want to invite you to look at your own foundation today.
What is the one thing you've been putting off because the shake of change feels too loud? What decision have you been circling, waiting for the fear to quiet down before you move?
Remember...you don't "have" to change, you get to. 💛
What is one area where you need to firmly plant your feet this week?
Don't wait for the fear to go away first. Use your own version of a 5-4-3-2-1, shake off the hesitation, and decide that you are moving anyway.
I'd love to hear what you're planting your feet on this week. Drop it in the comments below...your shake might be exactly the permission someone else needs to move through theirs, too. 🔥